Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Walking/ Running/ Living

I started walking with a girlfriend. We're walking four miles three or four times a week. I bought my daughter's old iPod from her (hmm, how does that work? Pay for kid's stuff twice?) Anyway, I started using it today to track the walking through nikeplus.com. I'm hoping to add running back into my days at some point too. Mostly I think it's okay with my head now to run again. It was someting I cut out a few years back. Now I'm ready to not be chunky, but to feel okay in my own skin again. Steve says he'll join a challenge with me and then we can maybe both get back into shape again. It would sure be nice. Each time I've re-started running, my head goes to this weird place and I've stopped. Self-punishment, self-destruction, self-loathing, self-something. I don't know. I do know I'm tired of it. I'm tired of not thinking it's okay to feel okay. I'm tired of not liking how I look in the mirror. I'm tired of being physically tired, because I'm so out of shape. Time for some changes. I hope to show progress publically, so that I'm motivated to continue.

I'm supposed to be contacting the local university this week, as I'll finish at the community college in the fall and then will move on towards a bachelor's degree. Woo-hoo. I might just make it by the time i'm 50! :)

It's been interesting going to school again. I could totally just be a student for the rest of my life. Somehow, I'm thinking it's not in our budget though. I need to get motivated to find some kind of scholarship or something though, as I'm feeling pretty guilty about costing Steve so much money. What an awesome gift he's given me. What an awesome man I share my life with. It's incredible really.

There doesn't seem to be a reason for this post, just blabbing, which even I won't care to read later on. I'll hush now.