Thursday, March 16, 2006

Prank phone calls I wanna make

We have a little card catalog system for Pre-needs (when people come in to set up their arrangements ahead of time). The theory is that you look for a person's card, if one exists you go to the back room and pull their folder. Then we know what kind of service they want. I'm not so much a card catalog kind of gal, so I decided to input the information to Excel. Way quicker to pull up if I'm on the phone and need to quickly whether they have a contract with us. Sounds weird, but often families don't know where the deceased have a contract so they call around to find it, not very efficient or considerate of the dead, if you ask me.
Anyway! I'm putting this information into excel and I'm realizing that many of the cards say for information only. I'm wondering how we know those people haven't already died and their families just took them somewhere else. Soon I'm giggling, which quickly escalates into flat out laughter at the thought of calling the number, asking for the person on the card, and when they come to the phone saying "Just checking" and hanging up. I imagine their faces as they hear a dial tone, look at caller ID, realize it's a funeral home, then the dawning realization that I was checking to see if they still had a pulse. The laughter becomes somewhat uncontrollable as I allow myself to picture this whole scenario. Their faces go from expectation, to bewilderment, to disbelief, to horror. It takes about fifteen seconds for the whole process to run through their minds. I can't stop laughing. I email my husband to share my hysteria, which prompts him to quickly pick up the phone and laughingly tell me not to make any such calls. Even now, re-telling the story, I'm smiling stupidly and again allowing myself to imagine the faces. What great fun!

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